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Jordan Evans

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Jordan Evans Empty Jordan Evans

Post by Sora Tue Aug 25, 2015 8:44 pm

World: PRIME
Name: Jordan Evans
Age: 15
Position: Student of Tachibana Academy, entering 10th grade
Appearance: Jordan stands at 5'5". He has a slim build, with slightly-paler-than-average skin and green eyes. His brown hair is longer than usual and, though not exceedingly messy, also not very well-kept. It's mostly straight, but curls a little at the ends.
He prefers long clothes (full pants and long-sleeved shirts) over lighter things, and so will sometimes wear clothes that are warmer than would be appropriate for the weather. Though he'll wear a t-shirt in warmer weather, he rarely wears shorts and very rarely wears a tank-top.

I'll probably draw a new picture eventually, but I think my avatar from the old forum is still pretty fitting; maybe the hair is just a little too messy here?:
Jordan Evans 82-28

Backstory:
Spoiler'd for convenience:

Personality: (I've put general habits and things here as well, since I don't know how to fit it all into the backstory.)
He often wears a rather blank face, simply out of habit. As this isn't a result of him trying to hide his emotions or anything, said emotions can show through now and then.
As a result of lacking communication with most people, being homeschooled, losing the one friend he'd made, and simply having the personality that he does, Jordan is not very social. He won't usually go out of his way to talk with people, though it can happen from time to time. A combined result of both his rather sparse communication with others and his own personality cause him to also be rather ignorant of social cues. He may miss sarcasm or implied messages, and may fail to consider possible meanings behind what he or others say beyond their literal ones.
Due to his less-than-social nature, Jordan is often in his own head, thinking to himself about whatever passing interest. He doesn't usually appear very attentive, which may come to earn him an occasional scolding in class. He is fairly intelligent despite this, and so is likely to do well at the times he decides to pay more attention.
Should he need to communicate with someone who doesn't know sign, he always keeps a notepad and pen in his left pocket. He's a fairly fast and neat writer, since he's gotten used to writing to talk with people, and has developed a habit of keeping these written conversations rather than discarding them.

Due to not communicating with people outside of his family much, Jordan developed likings mostly for activities that he could carry out on his own. His casual doodling eventually evolved into a request for a sketchbook, which was gradually filled with harder-worked-on doodles and drawings with actual time put into them. It's not a huge interest of his, but he's better at drawing than many. Another such lone activity was gaming. His dad liked to play on the Playstation, and Jordan would watch and, when his dad was away, play on said Playstation for himself. Said Playstation was good for entertainment when Henry visited as well, when he and Jordan were friends. He was eventually given a laptop of his own, through which he discovered PC games. This started with free games but, as with drawing, the interest developed enough that he eventually convinced his parents to buy games or get them as gifts and such. He can use a computer fairly easily and has come to take more interest in PC gaming than in console gaming.
As drawing and video games can't always pass his whole day on their own, he may occasionally simply wander to see where he may take himself, in times of boredom.


Last edited by Sora on Tue Sep 01, 2015 2:53 am; edited 2 times in total
Sora
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Jordan Evans Empty Re: Jordan Evans

Post by TheMootking Wed Aug 26, 2015 12:36 pm

Good profille, I like the changes you've made to Sora a lot. There's a couple of problems, though.

1. Outside of being a social pariah, what are his hobbies? Need to flesh out his life outside his disability a little bit. Just a paragraph or two about hobbies etc would be grand. This is a common problem with profiles, while disabilities affect a life drastically, there is a life beyond coping with them.

2. After he started attending mainstream school at 11, how was he treated by the general populace? You mentioned that his parents were gonna homeschool him until then, but never expanded on it. A little exposition about this would go a long way! It could also help you develop his social problems/heal them a little.

3. Did his parents ever consider cochlear implants, or speech therapy? In the modern age both are easily accessible and can improve the life of somebody like Jordan tenfold. While both can get quite expensive if done privately, there is a lot of support available worldwide.

4. No real mention of his relationship with his parents - while it can seem unimportant it can really effect how he handled his disability if he had somebody to "speak" to about it. It seems a shame to waste a figure that has both the caring qualities of a parent as well as a "we're in the same boat" feeling.

5. General proofreading. Give it a once-over, your tenses slip up every now and then.

Bump the thread when you're done!
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Jordan Evans Empty Re: Jordan Evans

Post by Sora Wed Aug 26, 2015 3:21 pm

1. I made mention of his hobbies in the Personality section. Does that point just need more elaboration?

2. His parents found and began saving for Tachibana Academy when he was 11; he hasn't begun attending until now. Does this need clarification in the profile or was it just something you missed?

3, 4, and 5 are legitimate points, though.
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Post by TheMootking Wed Aug 26, 2015 9:51 pm

Sorry, I meant more along the lines of writing a little more about his hobbies in the backstory, how he became interested etc. I probably wasn't very clear on that one. I think you've misunderstood what I meant for number two though, I meant in the four years between him finishing homeschooling at 11 and starting at the Academy at 15; there's no mention of his time at a regular school or if he even transitioned into one.
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Post by Sora Tue Sep 01, 2015 2:57 am

For 1 I basically gave the same activities previously listed in more detail. Let me know if that's not enough.
I clarified number 2. I intended it to be known that he continued being homeschooled after 11; this was just the age at which his parents discovered Tachibana Academy. Said discovery didn't immediately change the routine. I can certainly see how this would be unclear, though.
Explained away point 3 with the points we discussed.
I added a paragraph about number 4, and Jordan's dad is mentioned as an influence in the portion of his personality regarding his activities. As with said activities, let me know if that needs more elaboration.
I couldn't find more than a couple things to fix as requested in point 5, but I tried.
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Jordan Evans Empty Re: Jordan Evans

Post by TheMootking Tue Sep 01, 2015 11:56 am

All the changes look good! Welcome (back) to the forum!
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