Asana Jones

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Post by Tsundere-chan on Wed Sep 02, 2015 1:32 am

Name: Asana Jones
Age: 15
Position: Student and heroine in training at least in her own eyes.

Appearance: At first glance, Asana looks to be a rather beautiful human girl but she is actually only half human. Besides her shockingly neon blue hair, she looks like a rather pretty girl of western European stock. Her features are delicate, her eyes dark and piercing, showing certain intensity about her. Asana’s skin is rather pale. No matter how much she stays out in the sun, she neither tans nor burns. The other outstand feature of her body is how petite it is. Her body is slender, and her chest unfortunately flat. Not even her terrific butt can make up for that fact. Her hair is also kept rather long. If not tied up, it would fall down past her bottom. She typically keeps it tied up in two very long twin tails to keep it out of the way. She dresses rather typically for girls her age. Skirts. Tights. Shorts. When she battles, she borrows an outfit of her mothers, which though hardly covering any skin, is made of powerful otherworldly materials

Backstory: To learn about Asana, you first need to learn about her parents. Her father was a middling scientist obsessed with the stars. Tom Jones was the kind of man that everyone describe as average. His only outstanding trait was his obsession that mankind was not alone. He was going to prove it, come hell or high water. Fortunately for him, the answer to his prayers was to fall right into his lap. Enter Asana’s mother, Penthesilea. Penthesilea was Tom’s dream, an alien from another world. Strangely in defiance of everything science knew, she looked human on the outside. The only obvious difference being her shocking white hair and her outstandingly curvaceous figure. Not to mention she was rather tall. Over six feet to be exact. Penthesilea hailed from the world of Argos. Her mission was one of conquest. She had subjugated countless planets already, but Earth was to be her last. As she was struck with love. It won’t do to tell the tale here, but they fell in love, and the result of that love was Asana. The birth of Asana gave her mother a new found impetus. To fight for something else than for the glory of her race. With the debut of her mother, her father’s image was rehabilitated, and he was able to get a steadier job in academia again.
As for Asana herself, as an only child she was rather doted on a bit excessively. Things were tough in the early years. Her father got fired, no one believed the stuff he published with his wife’s help. They drifted from town to town, and odd job to odd job. Asana never really fit in particularly well. Her head was filled with tales of her mother’s proud history, and the good deeds she had done now. That excessive pride, combined with her obviously otherworldly hair, did not make for a lot of fast friends. Her powers added another complexity to the equation. As a half-human hybrid, Asana’s powers developed strangely and unevenly. Her mother could only help so much. It was hard. How many girls do you know that really can punch a hole in the wall when they get angry? Asana’s strength went way beyond that. This gave her a rather isolated childhood in the beginning. However, as the years went on she got better and better. Her powers got more under control, and she was able to interact with others in a better way. She was still a rather emotional girl, but she was more measured. She wouldn’t punch a hole in a locker just from someone looking at her the wrong way. Asana made a lot of friends in middle school. She was rather active in sports. Despite her rather petite body, she actually was quite athletic. Soccer and volleyball were her primary sports. However, once the school for people with powers was open, Asana’s parents decided to enroll her there. As a hybrid, it was unknown how her powers would develop. It was best for her to be somewhere where she could practice it safely, and where she’d be around other people who might understand what it is like to be a super powered, hormonal teen.

Powers: Asana’s powers are still developing. Right now she has super strength, and a nigh indestructible body. Her strength is such that she could easily lift a fully loaded jetliner under duress. Her body could easily take a hit from an artillery shell and shrug it off if properly motivated. A lot of Asana’s powers depends on her mental state. The more fired up she is emotionally, the stronger she can become. She also has an uncontrollable off and on form of mind reading. Randomly at times, her mind will read the surface thoughts of those around her. She can also fly for short distances. As she develops, more powers will make themselves noticed. The primary one of these is energy projection. Asana can take the energy stored in her body, and release it in blasts of energy. Though it can be very exhausting. Even now, Asana has to eat absurd quantities of high calorie foods to keep it going. Her alien physiology metabolizes things differently.

Personality: The best way to describe Asana would be hot-blooded. She is a highly emotional girl. While others typically hide their emotions, she is really terrible at that. She wears them on her sleeve. However, this does not mean that she is a goofball. She takes her life exceedingly seriously, intending to make the most out of every day. Asana has a goal, to protect the earth as its greatest heroine. Just like the way she views her mother. Asana works hard, and plays hard. However, she is very sensitive about her flat chest. Please don’t mention it.
Her hobbies include training her powers, sports, and certain kinds of game. Asana’s secret guilty pleasure are cheesy romance novels. She awaits her prince charming, certain that she will find one like her mother did.

Asana Jones 61f7cc694524692ca6b4ee66339ce991

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Join date : 2015-08-16
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Asana Jones Empty Re: Asana Jones

Post by Raiden on Wed Sep 02, 2015 3:40 pm

Well, first of all, I think it goes without saying that the profile is WAY too short to be considered acceptable. Come on, I said the same thing on Saki - you can't write a paragraph of backstory (especially if half of it is just about her parents). It needs to be expanded GREATLY. Why wouldn't this be the place for the story of how her parents met? I'd say we definitely need more information about that - you don't just start a family with an alien woman, there has to be more to it than that! I'd also like to know more about her childhood, and how she grew up dealing with her powers, what her aspirations and dreams were, her hobbies, etc. You've touched a bit on that, but I'd really like to see the profile expanded. As for some more specific things I'd like you to change...

1. You say that her father was able to get a steady job thanks to the discovery of Asana's mom, and in the very next paragraph you say that he was fired because no one believed him. So, which is it? Also, I think you should greatly elaborate on whether the world is aware that the family is 2/3 alien, and what implications this has had on their life.

2. Wait, did she use to punch holes in lockers before she got her powers under control? How did other people react to that? Or to her blue hair, for that matter? She was so different from everyone, and even if she was isolated there's bound to have been rumours going on about her or something like that.

3. Did she have any problems playing sports with her powers? I can imagine her losing control of her powers for a split second and kicking the ball into the stratosphere or something like that. You could include a few anecdotes like that to give her backstory some depth and a more personal touch.

4. For Position you're supposed to write down her class. I'm assuming she'd be a Valiant.

5. Proofread. I noticed a couple of mistakes that I'm sure you'll catch if you read the profile again. Weren't many, but they were noticeable.

6. The image you linked isn't showing up. I suggest you upload it to something like Imgur (you can directly copy/paste the link into Imgur and upload it like that) instead of something as unreliable as Gelbooru.

Bump the thread when you've made these changes and I'll take another look!

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